My little sister is awesome. She's ten years my junior, but is consistently funnier than I am. Because she's tiny, freckled and generally greeting-card cherubic in appearance, she could probably get away with pushing over a wheelchair-bound homeless man and spitting on him. Also, her nickname is 'Bean' and she has a better eyebrow quirk than Stephen Colbert. At eight years old, this is an impressive feat.

Bean has the tendency to say really, really strange things. Here is a choice sampling of the things she blurted out on a trip to the mall today:


1. *while in the car* Bean: I can see the future.

Grim: Okay. What's in my future?

Bean: What age?

Grim: 89.

Bean: You will be chopping down trees for 5 cents an hour. >

Grim: Okay...what about 30?

Bean: You will be in a rocking chair petting a cat named Mr.Brisby. > *does spooky hand motions*

Grim: What about 22?

Bean: *in a completely emotionless voice* You will be underground. >:I ....IN THE DIRT.

Grim: <:c

Bean: MUA HA HA HA >


2. *while walking around the mall*

Bean: I'd like to give you a high five. c:

Grim: c: Okay *holds up hand for high five*

Bean: *performs a really weird sort of spinning uppercut* That's what I call a knuckle high five. c:<

Grim: But all you did was punch me.

Bean: It's called a knuckle high five. >:c Be cool.


3. Bean: *while playing with polly pockets* I would like to get an invisible time machine so I could get free wishes.

Grim: How would you find an invisible time machine?

Bean: I would find it by wishing for it.

Grim: Okay...what would you wish for?

Bean: I would wish to clone myself...then I would wish to turn into a boy. And then I would marry myself.

Grim: .... <:/ *concerned*

Bean: Our children would be beautiful. c: *continues playing with dolls as if nothing at all had transpired*


4. *at the mall pet store*

Bean: *looking at a bloohound puppy* Did somebody stretch his skin out she he was a baby? It's all floppy.

Grim: No, bloodhounds are born like that.

Bean: Could you stretch out a person's skin like that? If they were really fat or something.

Grim: No, no that probably wouldn't be a good idea.

Bean: >:I Have you ever tried?

Grim: ....yes.

Bean: When I have babies, you are not allowed in my house. >:I


5. *in the electronics store*

Bean: Why are we here?

Grim: I'm going to go pick up a memory card. We won't be here long.

Bean: Why don't you get a video game? c:

Grim: Ah, I don't really need one.

Bean: Whaaaaaat? *as if this is a completely insane thing to say*

Grim: Er...

Bean: *fists clenched and arms raised in some sort of fighting pose*

*in an announcer voice* SOULLLLLLLL CALIBERRRRRRRR. >:E





I have not decided whether this is some sort of amusing mental illness or budding comedic genius. <:/